Misunderstandings

The St. Thomas Indian Orthodox Parish of Philadelphia was blessed with the visit of H. G. Mathews Mar Barnabas Metropolitan on Sunday, December 13^th, 2009. The Sunday was celebrated as “Annunciation to St. Joseph” and the gospel reading was from St. Matthew 1: 18 – 25. The reading is about a misunderstanding Joseph had about Mary and the events following. Joseph at first thought to “divorce her quietly” (Mat 1: 19). Then an angel of the Lord appeared to him clearing the confusions and telling him that the child in Mary’s womb is from the Holy Spirit. Joseph was able to listen to the words and understand.

Related to this Gospel portion, Thirumeni said two stories about misunderstandings in the human lives. Once upon a time, His Grace was visiting the patients at a hospital. When he entered one of the rooms, the patient did not pay attention to Him. He did not greet him or initiate any interest to acknowledge the presence of Thirumeni. Even though Thirumeni did not want any special respect, it is the common courtesy for a human to greet another when seen. Thirumeni was surprised by this response and thought about leaving the room. But he did not and made the decision to start a conversation. When Thirumeni asked him “what made him come to the hospital”, he said “I am blind”. Thirumeni felt relieved for not leaving the room due the misunderstanding.

He also said another story which goes like this. There were two female teachers once. They rented a house and were living together. Both of then left the house in the morning and came back in the evening after the classes. One day, both the teachers left the house at different times. One of them came early after the class and found a cigarette on the verandah. It was unusual as neither one of the ladies smoke and thought that some man came to see the other teacher. She kept the misunderstanding to herself. The other teacher came late and saw the same cigarette and thought that some man came to the home while she wasn’t there. She misunderstood the other too. But both of them kept the doubts to themselves, and both of them thought that they will not ask about it and will wait till the other tells. A couple days later, a man came to the house for some work and said that he came a couple days earlier and neither one of them were there, and hence he left!

In both of the above stories, everyone had reasonable doubts. But, when the attempt is made to work beyond the doubt, it turns out to be positive like in the case of the blind man.

Personal Reflection: As humans, we often assume things! When it comes to relationships and personal matters, as we saw in the second story, how often are we understanding? Many times, we tend to link the doubts to make stories and convince ourselves that the story is the truth and become unable to listen to the other person. Often people tend to see the wrong side, and the worst reasons.

What happens if the two teachers in the second decided to talk? It is possible that both believes in what they thought as the truth and will not bother to trust in the other person’s story. In this case, neither one of them knew what happened. It was all guesses. There is the possibility that their relationship might end being unable to trust each other. Or they might believe in each other and continue their friendship. What will we do? Will we be patient enough to listen to the other side of the story and trust it? Our assumptions shouldn’t be judging the honesty of another and that shouldn’t cause issues that will make the other in pain. I am as everyone else guilty of assuming things.

What if I cannot talk? Like in the above case, both of them were not ready to talk to each other. How often can we carry the misunderstandings? Often we think that the misunderstandings we have are the truth! The issues and its depth to be communicated with another person are related to the depth in their relationship. Each person will have a comfort zone of talking to another. I cannot go to a stranger and talk about the issues I have in my life. There will be a close friend with whom I will share it with and another close friend whom I will not be able to share it with. It all depends! Therefore, if we are unable to talk, why shall we make conclusions of our own? Can we rather look at the good side and avoid misunderstandings?

            God is the help in cases of serious misunderstandings that shake relationships. The only option is to trust in Him and make the decisions in prayer. He is the source of divine wisdom that overcomes all knowledge and He is the guide for the sinful human being. Let Him be our Way.